I love meeting new people through the online dating site I use. It’s much easier than trying to chat strangers up in a bar, or wherever. After all, in a bar you don’t know who’s single or involved. At least when you’re internet dating, it’s all there on their profile, so you can see right away if they’re going in the same direction as you.
However, if you’re like me, there are certain things that a potential relationship candidate can do to immediately disqualify themselves. Dealbreakers, as they are known. I don’t have many, but I do have three. In no particular order, they are:
1. Coffee haters. I need the sweet black fuel first thing in the morning. I need a second one right after the first one. I’ll probably have a couple more during the day too. Not for the caffein, but for the sweet sweet bitter taste of the bean. So delish. So when I meet a woman who’s all, “I don’t drink coffee.”, I’m outta there. It’s a dealbreaker of the first magnitude. What do these people do instead of having their morning coffee? Yoga or some shit?
2. Read into It Women. These are the ladies who try to decipher what every thing you say REALLY means. Nothing you say can just be what you mean. You tell her she looks pretty, she’s suspicious. You ask her how long she’s knows her girlfriend, she thinks you are into her. You suggest a threesome, she thinks you’re not into her anymore. I’m still into you baby, I just want to be into someone else at the same time.
3. Fried food. I can’t date vegetarians. Fried foor isn’t good for me. We all know that. However, every now and then I want some goddam chicken. I want a cheeseburger. Not every meal, but occasionally. So stop telling me about my cholesterol, and hit the bricks, baby. I need someone who enjoys the grease.
So there you have it, world. That’s me: take it or leave it. Time for some french fries and a cup a joe.