I was online surfing around the internet dating site I use, and there was a e-chat from a woman. I opened it up, and it was from a cute goth woman. Normally I don’t respond to goths, because they’re a little too moody and sullen for me. I like the women I date to be more on the sweet side. But this woman was funny in her e-chat, so I wrote back. We e-chatted for a while, and she told me her name was Tinkerbell.
Like the Peter Pan fairy. She said her parents named her that because they were fans of the story. I told her that must have been hard to have that name during the years when kids will make fun of you for anything, and she said it was. It’s probably what made her turn goth – to rebel against everyone that was mocking her because of her name.
We video-chatted after that, and it was also nice. She’s a very cute woman. I asked her if she wanted to see some live music with me this weekend, and she said yes. I asked her what sort of music she was into, and she said anything. I was glad. If she was only into Marylin Manson or that kind of thing, I’d have to reconsider seeing her. But her open mind, cute face, and great personality sold me. We’re seeing some bluegrass on Saturday.
Full report on Sunday. Unless we’re still hanging out….
I live in Los Angeles. You know what that means? All the hottest women from the whole country come here so they can be the next Jennifer Aniston. There are more hot women here than anywhere else on Earth. Literally. Go to any restaurant in LA, and the waitresses will all be tens. Go to any bar in LA and the bartenders will all be tens. Walk the streets of LA and you will see at least a dozen tens.
(Ten out of ten = hot)
So, when I use internet dating to try to meet the women I see everyday, sometimes I am successful. And during the date, sometimes I am just the right amount of interesting, charming, funny, and humble. The woman and the alcohol and the ambiance and the moon all converge and she wants to come home with me.
When a first date turns into an overnight, it is important to keep your head. First of all, you can’t assume that she’ll want to go to bed with you after every date you go on. I made that mistake once. A woman slept with me on the first date, and then on our second date she didn’t want to. I was disappointed and let it ruin the date. Don’t expect anything, that’s the lesson there.
Second, make sure you’re good during that first sexual encounter. If you weren’t expecting to end up in bed, you might not be able to last too long. That’s why I always use the condoms that de-sensitize my junk when I’m with a woman for the first time. It works!
I’ll give more tips next time – my pizza just got here!
In my last blog, I talked about some dealbreakers that really turn me off when I’m meeting women through internet dating. Just a few things that a woman can do to totally make me lose interest. To be fair, I thought I’d post my top four dealMAKERS too. These are the four things that a woman can do to get me super interested right away. Take note ladies – most guys out there are probably fans of all these things as well!
The practical benefits of yoga for a woman are plentiful. It’s good for your body’s health, it improves your breathing. It can be very relaxing, and keep you centered. The real reason I love women who do yoga is because of the flexibility. It might sound shallow, but a woman that can do both splits, and put her feet behind her head makes the imagination go wild. Plus, yoga women usually have “yoga butt” – that little bubble butt that is so attractive.
The old saying that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is true. If you can cook, it is such a turn on. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying a woman’s place is in the kitchen or anything like that. I cook too. But when a woman knows her way around the kitchen, it’s great. Makes you homemade soup when you’re sick. Makes you cookies on a lazy sunday together. Awesome and easy to learn.
This is a personal one. I love playing frisbee. Not ultimate frisbee, just throw it back and forth frisbee. You’d be surprised how few women know how to throw the frisbee these days. It’s a lot of fun, and can be very zen. Plus, it’s a free way to get exercise, and a nice date in the park. It’s a pain if they can’t play and I’m constantly running to get miss-thrown frisbees. Practice! It’s easy!
#4 Be in a Band
Women musicians are sexy. Period. Going to see a woman I’m seeing in a band, and watching as she commands a room with her music is hot. Double edged sword with these ladies though. If the relationship is going well, she might write a beautiful love ballad about you. If it ends in a bad breakup, you might be the main character in a “Jagged Little Pill” album full of songs calling you an asshole.
See you out there!
I love meeting new people through the online dating site I use. It’s much easier than trying to chat strangers up in a bar, or wherever. After all, in a bar you don’t know who’s single or involved. At least when you’re internet dating, it’s all there on their profile, so you can see right away if they’re going in the same direction as you.
However, if you’re like me, there are certain things that a potential relationship candidate can do to immediately disqualify themselves. Dealbreakers, as they are known. I don’t have many, but I do have three. In no particular order, they are:
1. Coffee haters. I need the sweet black fuel first thing in the morning. I need a second one right after the first one. I’ll probably have a couple more during the day too. Not for the caffein, but for the sweet sweet bitter taste of the bean. So delish. So when I meet a woman who’s all, “I don’t drink coffee.”, I’m outta there. It’s a dealbreaker of the first magnitude. What do these people do instead of having their morning coffee? Yoga or some shit?
2. Read into It Women. These are the ladies who try to decipher what every thing you say REALLY means. Nothing you say can just be what you mean. You tell her she looks pretty, she’s suspicious. You ask her how long she’s knows her girlfriend, she thinks you are into her. You suggest a threesome, she thinks you’re not into her anymore. I’m still into you baby, I just want to be into someone else at the same time.
3. Fried food. I can’t date vegetarians. Fried foor isn’t good for me. We all know that. However, every now and then I want some goddam chicken. I want a cheeseburger. Not every meal, but occasionally. So stop telling me about my cholesterol, and hit the bricks, baby. I need someone who enjoys the grease.
So there you have it, world. That’s me: take it or leave it. Time for some french fries and a cup a joe.